I looked at my own cervix.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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