I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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