what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
