He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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