Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
