I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize