What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
