i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
