I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
