masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My vagina is officially offended.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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