alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
soo... how was my night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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