There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
