she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We need to get me chipped asap
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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