I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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