did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
