I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
