Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
