I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
