I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
