idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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