I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize