You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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