She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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