Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize