giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
