Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
