considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
