Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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