when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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