Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
