trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
