you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I forget how to act sober
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
