you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
