thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
