her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
