at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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