I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
