I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
