This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
did you just send me my own nude
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
