I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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