Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
