Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
