i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
