We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
