I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
