She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
