It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
