i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
