tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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