Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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