You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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