Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize