all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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