I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
