3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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