Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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