my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
