Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
