$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
