Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
