I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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