I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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