I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
