mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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